Halloween is upon us. Pumpkins, ghosts and goblins are everywhere. I usually tend to look at this holiday as a pretend holiday, mainly for the kids to dress up and collect candy. But this year the thought occurred to me that this would be a good time to ask, "What haunts you?"
We all have fears inside, fears that hold us back, fears that keep us stuck. You may have the fear of failure or fear of success. Maybe it is fear of letting go or fear of staying stuck. Or perhaps it is fear of your true feelings being exposed or the fear that you will never be able to express your true feelings. These fears haunt us and keep our true nature cowering inside. They can be paralyzing!
What haunts you? Be honest with yourself. What haunts you (read paralyses you, keeps you stuck?) What is your biggest fear? What is the worst case scenario? What will your life look like five years from now if you hold onto this fear? What would happen if you overcame the fear?
There are two basic human emotions, Love and Fear? Which one leads your life?
This year take the opportunity on Halloween to release your fear. Start by acknowledging what really haunts you deep down inside. Envision how your life would be different if you did not have this fear. Make a plan to release the fear.
If you are stuck in your fear working with a coach can help expose the roots of your fears and provide tools to move beyond them. The result is a happier and more fulfilled life, without fear!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Finding Excuses or Finding A Way
I recently read this quote , "If you really want to do something your will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse." Since I stumbled across this quote I have been amazed by how often it has applied to myself, my children, my friends, and my clients. In assessing this phenomenon I have discovered that people don't even realize when they are making excuses. For example, the salesman who says, "My sales are down because the market is down." He is finding an excuse rather than looking for a way to increase his sales, thus his sales will probably stay down until he feels the market is back up or realizes he is making an excuse. What is unfortunate is that he probably doesn't even realize that he is finding an excuse rather than finding a way.
What do you find yourself saying or doing? If a new idea is presented to you do you think, "How can we make this happen?" Or do you say, "We can't do that because ___ ."
I remember watching the movie Apollo 13 and being struck with the tenacity of the NASA crew in finding a way to get their crippled spacecraft home. If they had been stuck in making excuses rather than finding a way, those astronauts would have lost their lives and impacted the space industry for years to come. In many ways, everyday, people lose their lives to the excuses they make for not pursuing their dreams, not making their plans, not living up to their potential, and not waking up to life.
Start paying attention to your thought pattern today. The next time you are presented with an idea or a plan notice your immediate reaction. Do you start making excuses or thinking about how to make it happen? If you find yourself making excuses, quickly shift your thinking to finding a way. Continue practicing this new way of thinking and soon it will become your habit. Who knows what may open up in your life once you stop finding excuses and start finding a way! Repeat 3 times, "If you really want to do something your will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse."
NOTE: Finding an excuse is not the same as being stuck. Often times people want to do things and want to find a way, but simply feel stuck. That's where coaching comes in. Coaching is finding a way. Coaching can help by digging deep to discover where your energy is blocked or tangled, what your true motivation is, how to leverage what is working, offer you new insights, and help you to create an action plan to move you forward toward your dreams!
Friday, August 10, 2007
STRONG WOMEN
Are You a Strong Woman?
Many times through the years I have thought of myself as weak, even though others would comment on how strong I am. Recently I read how one woman described what it means to be a stong woman, I found her writing to be enlightening and inspiring. This is what it means to be a STRONG WOMAN
Strong Women
Strong women are those who know the road ahead will be strewn with obstacles, but they still choose to walk it because it's the right one for them.
Strong women are those who make mistakes, who admit to them, learn from those failures, and then use that knowledge.
Strong women are easily hurt, but they still extend their hearts and hands, knowing the risk and accepting the pain when it come.
Strong women are afraid. They face fear and move ahead to the future, as uncertain as it can be.
Strong women are not those who succeed the first time. They're the ones who fail time and again, but still keep trying until they succeed.
Strong women face the daily trials of life, sometimes with a tear, but always with their head held high as the new day dawns.
---Brenda Hager
Many times through the years I have thought of myself as weak, even though others would comment on how strong I am. Recently I read how one woman described what it means to be a stong woman, I found her writing to be enlightening and inspiring. This is what it means to be a STRONG WOMAN
Strong Women
Strong women are those who know the road ahead will be strewn with obstacles, but they still choose to walk it because it's the right one for them.
Strong women are those who make mistakes, who admit to them, learn from those failures, and then use that knowledge.
Strong women are easily hurt, but they still extend their hearts and hands, knowing the risk and accepting the pain when it come.
Strong women are afraid. They face fear and move ahead to the future, as uncertain as it can be.
Strong women are not those who succeed the first time. They're the ones who fail time and again, but still keep trying until they succeed.
Strong women face the daily trials of life, sometimes with a tear, but always with their head held high as the new day dawns.
---Brenda Hager
Monday, April 02, 2007
Self Confidence--Learning to Have Faith & Trust in Yourself
Do you have faith and trust in yourself? Confidence is trust or faith that a person or thing is capable. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. Therefore if you have faith and trust in yourself you have confidence. I am astonished at how many women I meet who struggle with self-confidence. There are many factors that can lead to a lack of confidence such as gender, birth order, and parent’s attitudes.
Did you know that boys are called on to answers teacher’s questions more often than girls? Do you know why? More boys raise their hands than girls. So naturally when the teacher sees 10 boys with hands up and only 2 girls, the teacher will pick a boy. Boys raise their hands even when they don’t know the answer. Girls raise their hands only when they know the answer and sometimes not even then.
First born children are usually more confident, particularly if they are male. Parents pay lots of attention to everything a first-born does, therefore creating more confidence.
If one or both of your parents were excessively critical, demanding or overprotective you may not have developed self-confidence.
So what if you are a woman, who was not the first born, with parents who were overly critical or protective? What if don’t have faith and trust in yourself? How can you build your confidence?
Base your behavior on what other people think.
Stay in your comfort zone because you fear failure.
Cover up mistakes.
Dismiss compliments.
To build your confidence you must understand that it is like a muscle. There is no quick fix. Confidence must be warmed up, worked out, and stretched on a consistent basis to reach maximum potential and peak performance. Here are some steps to get you started:
1. Mentally prepare. Take stock of where you are, where you want to go, and commit yourself to starting and staying with it.
2. Look at what you have already achieved by writing out your 5 greatest accomplishments or finest moments. You may want to post this somewhere you can see it often.
3. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By applauding yourself for trying you will build confidence.
4. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn regardless of the outcome.
5. Listen to self talk. Eliminate negative self-talk. If you have self-doubts, write them down and challenge them with rational solutions.
6. Build your knowledge and/or skills by taking a class or course. Go get the degree or certificate that will prove your abilities to the world and yourself.
7. Understand that you will make mistakes and you will not be perfect. Perfection is the antagonist of confidence.
8. Set small goals (as steps to your bigger goals) and when you achieve them celebrate.
9. Continue to stretch yourself by setting even bigger goals.
10. Hire a coach if you can't do it on your own.
Self-confidence is about balance. You know that negative outcomes are possible, but rather than exaggerating or minimizing it, you give it the due attention necessary (what can I do if this happens ...). Perhaps a better definition of confidence is the state of balanced perceptions and preparation.
And what will be the result of this new found confidence? Those around you will notice your confidence and you will inspire confidence in others. Perhaps Jack Welch said it best, “Confidence gives you courage and extends your reach. It lets you take greater risks and achieve far more than you ever thought possible!”
Did you know that boys are called on to answers teacher’s questions more often than girls? Do you know why? More boys raise their hands than girls. So naturally when the teacher sees 10 boys with hands up and only 2 girls, the teacher will pick a boy. Boys raise their hands even when they don’t know the answer. Girls raise their hands only when they know the answer and sometimes not even then.
First born children are usually more confident, particularly if they are male. Parents pay lots of attention to everything a first-born does, therefore creating more confidence.
If one or both of your parents were excessively critical, demanding or overprotective you may not have developed self-confidence.
So what if you are a woman, who was not the first born, with parents who were overly critical or protective? What if don’t have faith and trust in yourself? How can you build your confidence?
First recognize what self-confidence looks like. When you are self-confident you will:
Do what you believe is right, even if others mock or criticize you.
Be willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Admit your mistakes and vow to learn from them.
Accept compliments graciously.
Base your behavior on what other people think.
Stay in your comfort zone because you fear failure.
Cover up mistakes.
Dismiss compliments.
To build your confidence you must understand that it is like a muscle. There is no quick fix. Confidence must be warmed up, worked out, and stretched on a consistent basis to reach maximum potential and peak performance. Here are some steps to get you started:
1. Mentally prepare. Take stock of where you are, where you want to go, and commit yourself to starting and staying with it.
2. Look at what you have already achieved by writing out your 5 greatest accomplishments or finest moments. You may want to post this somewhere you can see it often.
3. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By applauding yourself for trying you will build confidence.
4. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn regardless of the outcome.
5. Listen to self talk. Eliminate negative self-talk. If you have self-doubts, write them down and challenge them with rational solutions.
6. Build your knowledge and/or skills by taking a class or course. Go get the degree or certificate that will prove your abilities to the world and yourself.
7. Understand that you will make mistakes and you will not be perfect. Perfection is the antagonist of confidence.
8. Set small goals (as steps to your bigger goals) and when you achieve them celebrate.
9. Continue to stretch yourself by setting even bigger goals.
10. Hire a coach if you can't do it on your own.
Self-confidence is about balance. You know that negative outcomes are possible, but rather than exaggerating or minimizing it, you give it the due attention necessary (what can I do if this happens ...). Perhaps a better definition of confidence is the state of balanced perceptions and preparation.
And what will be the result of this new found confidence? Those around you will notice your confidence and you will inspire confidence in others. Perhaps Jack Welch said it best, “Confidence gives you courage and extends your reach. It lets you take greater risks and achieve far more than you ever thought possible!”
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