Self-Confidence: Learning to Have Faith and Trust in Yourself

Do you have faith and trust in yourself? Confidence is trust or faith that a person or thing is capable. if you have faith and trust in yourself you have confidence.

I am astonished at how many women I meet who struggle with self-confidence. A lack of confidence affects your relationships, business/career, and can even affect your health. There are many factors that can lead to a lack of confidence such as gender, birth order, and parent’s attitudes.

Did you know that boys are called on to answers teacher’s questions more often than girls? Do you know why? More boys raise their hands than girls. So naturally when the teacher sees 10 boys with hands up and only 2 girls, the teacher will pick a boy. Boys raise their hands even when they don’t know the answer. Girls raise their hands only when they know the answer and sometimes not even then.

First born children are usually more confident, particularly if they are male. Parents pay lots of attention to everything a first-born does, therefore creating more confidence. If one or both of your parents were excessively critical, demanding or overprotective you may not have developed self-confidence.

So what if you are a woman, who was not the first born, with parents who were overly critical or protective? What if don’t have faith and trust in yourself? How can you build your confidence?

First recognize what self-confidence looks like. When you are self-confident you will:
Do what you believe is right, even if others mock or criticize you.
Be willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Admit your mistakes and vow to learn from them.
Accept compliments graciously.

If you lack confidence you may:
Base your behavior on what other people think.
Stay in your comfort zone because you fear failure.
Cover up mistakes.
Dismiss compliments.

To build your confidence you must understand that it is like a muscle. There is no quick fix. Confidence must be warmed up, worked out, and stretched on a consistent basis to reach maximum potential and peak performance. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Mentally prepare. Take stock of where you are, where you want to go, and commit yourself to starting and staying with it.

2. Look at what you have already achieved by writing out your 5 greatest accomplishments or finest moments. You may want to post this somewhere you can see it often.

3. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By applauding yourself for trying you will build confidence.

4. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn regardless of the outcome.

5. Listen to self talk. Eliminate negative self-talk. If you have self-doubts, write them down and challenge them with rational solutions.

6. Build your knowledge and/or skills by taking a class or course. Go get the degree or certificate that will prove your abilities to the world and yourself.

7. Understand that you will make mistakes and you will not be perfect. Perfection is the antagonist of confidence.

8. Set small goals (as steps to your bigger goals) and when you achieve them celebrate.

9. Continue to stretch yourself by setting even bigger goals.

10. Hire a coach if you can't do it on your own.

Self-confidence is about balance. You know that negative outcomes are possible, but rather than exaggerating or minimizing it, you give it the due attention necessary (what can I do if this happens ...). Perhaps a better definition of confidence is the state of balanced perceptions and preparation.

And what will be the result of this new found confidence? Those around you will notice your confidence and you will inspire confidence in others. Perhaps Jack Welch said it best, “Confidence gives you courage and extends your reach. It lets you take greater risks and achieve far more than you ever thought possible!”

So, You Want to Be a COACH

You love helping people and the idea of working from home, so of course, coaching comes to mind. But what does it really take to become and be a life coach?

1. Training—Coaching is both art and science. The art will come through your experiences, intuition, and personality. The science comes through training. With training you will learn to listen to text and tone. You will learn about patterns that keep people from reaching their goals and how to help your client set obtainable goals. There are many schools that offer training. An ICF approved coach training program is recommended. Once you finish the program get your certification.

2. Work with a Coach—Find a coach you connect with an experience coaching from the client side. Pay attention to what your coach does, the questions they ask, and how you feel during the experience. You may even ask your coach to coach you on becoming a coach.

3. Decide on your coaching niche —This could be relationships, time management, getting organized, life transitions, or financial matters. Whatever your passion and experience leads you to coach on, the field is open, just be specific.

4. Marketing­—You must love marketing. There are countless ways to market your coaching practice both in person and on the web. Many coaches sell programs on how to market your practice.

5. Money—You probably will not make $100,000 in your first year. Even though most coaches charge between $100 and $500 an hour, it takes time to build a practice. There are many programs and products available online to help you grow your business.

By combining your unique personality and special talents with proper training and marketing you will be on your way into the rewarding world of life coaching.

Check out, So You Want to be a COACH. In this new e-book you will learn what it takes to become a coach and what it is like to be a coach. It is the truth about my journey into the world of coaching! Plus there are links to the best websites to get your coaching practice up and running!

To purchase your copy visit CoachRhonda.

WOAMTEC

Just got back from lunch at the Daytona Beach chapter of WOAMTEC (Women on a Mission To Earn Commission.) What a wonderful opportunity to meet with other business women and network! Thank you, Inez Bracy, for inviting me! To learn more about WOAMTEC visit their website WOAMTEC.

The presenter at today's meeting was Lois Pollack who represents JBUG jewelry, an equisite line of custom made (in the USA!) jewelry that makes one think of David Yurman but at a fraction of the price! Check out their website at JBUG.

February Topic--Acceptance

When we have acceptance, we have understanding, tolerance, and open-mindedness. When we accept we release ourselves of disbelief, liberate our energy, acknowledge what is working and what isn't, and adapt to or make necessary changes. Acceptance frees our soul to soar.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." Reinhold Niebuhr

Need Help!

Has anyone had any experience flying with a dog from the US to the UK?

Come to the Winter Wholistic Health Fair

Saturday, February 21 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Sunshine Park Mall in South Daytona, Florida.

Stop by and meet Rhonda at her table, plus Rhonda will present a mini-workshop on "The Nine Biggest Mistakes Women Make" at 3 p.m.

There will be prizes and giveaways throughout the day. Parking and admission are free.

Natural Awakenings Feb 2009 issue

I am so excited to have been quoted in an article in this month's local issue of Natural Awakenings magazine!

The article, "Fall in Love with Your Life" inspires us to to make small changes that will bring big rewards in our life. Changes include; developing an attitude of gratitude, honoring the body, learning to say no, starting here and now, and creating a circle of support.

You can read the full article at CoachRhonda.com

Self-Discipline

I hate exercise, actually I don't know anyone who really enjoys it, do you? But the fact is it has great health benefits, we all know this. Even with this knowledge, it takes loads of self-discipline to start and continue an exercise regimen. We can all relate to the self-discipline required for exercise but how does discipline show up in other areas of our life?

Often times we base decisions in our life purely on our comfort level, lacking the discipline to continue once we start getting uncomfortable. This is true of diets, exercise, relationships, money management, careers, businesses, and in most all areas of our lives.

If you would like to boost your self-discipline try these steps:

1. Start small. This may be as simple as hanging your jacket in the closet each day instead of throwing it across the back of the sofa.

2. Get clear on your emotions regarding discipline. If you feel discipline requires conformance and you are a rebel at heart, your sub-conscious will be in direct opposition to your conscious intentions.

3. Stop procrastinating and postponing, do things you dislike first.

4. Think long term. Realize what you do today will affect your life in the future.

5. Find help. An accountability partner can cheer you own, remind you of the benefits, and motivate you when you want to give up!

Where is lack of self-discipline hindering your life? Most goals and intentions are not reached simply due to a lack of self-discipline. This year develop your discipline muscle, you'll be glad you did!

Time

Time...isn't it interesting that each day we all get the same amount deposited into our lives. Some use it as an investment, while others squander it away!

Letting Go

As I sit here on the first official work day of the New Year, I find myself exhaling. I am exhaling both the busyness of the holidays and the memories of the past year. I realize I must exhale in order to inhale. This makes me think of my life and how I must let go of things of the past in order to make room for things to come.

When I got divorced from my first husband I had to let go of not only him, but friendships we shared, a business we shared, and my idealistic, white-picket fence vision of love, marriage and family. It was extremely difficult to let go of 17 years of marriage and a lifetime of how I thought my life would be.

But just as the baby chick breaks out of the shell (and lets the shell go) we too must break out and let go of beliefs, things, thoughts, ideas, and sometime people.

What are you holding on to in your life that you need to let go of; old clothes that don't fit and even if they did they wouldn't be in style, your self-concept, relationships, past failures, past hurts, self-doubts, fears, limitations, expectations? The list goes on. When we hold on to things that no longer serve us, we in effect hold ourselves back. In other words, we don't hatch.

As I sit here I realize that I cannot hold the breath within, I must exhale, and then I must inhale and embrace what is, and what is to come.

Perhaps at the beginning of the year we should exhale that which holds us back as we inhale our intentions for the coming year.

Happy New Year!

2009 is just a day away and 2008 will become a memory. What will you remember about 2008? What do you anticipate in 2009?

To help you remember the best of 2008 and plan for 2009:

• Make a list of accomplishments. Truly acknowledge yourself and others for all achievements, from simple to extraordinary!

• Make a list of your gratitudes for 2008. We have many things to be grateful for even when times are tough.

• Last, make a list of your intentions for 2009. Imagine today is December 31, 2009, what do you want to write on your list of accomplishments and gratitudes? This will be your intentions for 2009!

All the best to you and your family in the coming New Year!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here! Where has the year gone? I am sure you are looking forward to a feast with your loved ones!



On Thanksgiving we are reminded to express our gratitude. This year I have a new idea to share with you, introduced to me by a fellow coach, Tina Games-Evans, it is an "AlphaPoem of Gratitude".

Here's how you do it...on a piece of paper make an ABC list vertically down the page. Starting with the letter A, list what you are grateful for, such as "Aunt Peggy" then pass the list to the next guest and have them fill in B. Keep passing the list until you have finished the alphabet! This is a fun way for everyone to express their gratitude!



I would like to leave you with a closing thought on gratitude, "Gratitudes are expressions of gratefulness for things outside of yourself: people, place, situation and things that are external. Always be specific as possible in your gratitudes. Gratitudes are very powerful; they can literally change your perspective of the world. You see opportunities where there were none before. You are open to possibilities that, in the past, would have felt impossible. You become more positive. You see people differently. You begin to notice little things. Stress dissolves. Your smile returns. Life seems doable." Rhonda Britten, Founder of Fearless Living





I look forward to making my "AlphaPoem of Gratitude" I know already for C, it is Clients and for R, the Readers of my newsletter and blog!



I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving full of good food, good company, and Gratitude!

Showing Up

How often do you NOT show up in your life?

This recently happened to me with a group of coaches. We just recently met and are working together in a mastermind group. Our group is involved in a competition with other groups. (I hate competitions, give me collaboration instead!)

Each week we come together on a call to brainstorm (mastermind) some new ideas. If we come up with some great ideas then we stand a chance of winning a great prize. Sunday night just before our weekly call I had an epiphany...

I realized that if it were a reality TV show like Survivor, that on this night's call, I would most likely get kicked off! Aftr all, I was coming to the call with nothing to offer. I had been on two previous calls and felt I had offered nothing then either. I, of course, was dreading this call. Then it came to me, "I am not showing up!" Sure, I had been on the previous calls, but I didn't show up. The person that showed up was someone who was fearful of being judged, not fitting in, and/or not being good enough.

So, Sunday night, minutes before the call, I decided I would show up! All of me, honest, fearful, funny, and someone who does have something to contribute (even if I wasn't sure what!)

When it came my turn to share with the group I told them I had nothing! I said I was glad it wasn't a reality TV show because I would be getting kicked off! Guess what? They all had felt that way about themselves too! We all had NOT shown up!

At this moment, all of us showed up. We had our best call ever and came up with some great ideas!

Where are you not showing up in your life? I invite you to examine this over the next few weeks. Really focus and become aware of when fear is keeping you from showing up.

When we don't show up, we can't feel the passion, we don't find our purpose. Remember, passion comes with risk, power, and fun!

I would love to hear your story of How You Show Up or DON'T Show UP in Your Life. Post your comments here, maybe I can help you start "Showing Up"!

Making a List

Since my return from the Coaching Super Summit my mind has been overwhelmed with possibilities. There were so many great ideas I seem to just want to use them all!

How often does that happen to us in our businesses and in our lives? So many good ideas, so much to do, and never enough time?

For myself I have come up with a solution and perhaps this will work for you too.

I am making a list. A list of all the good ideas and things I want to do. Once I have made my list, I plan to rate it by what is most important, the amount of time it will take, whether there is a deadline or perceived deadline, how it will impact my business or life, whether I have the necessary means (tools, skills, etc.), and how much joy I will get from doing the particular task.

I like working with a list. I love crossing things off the list, it gives me such a sense of accomplishment.

I encourage you to take time today to make a list, after all we are approaching that time of year, as the jingle says, "He's making his list, he's checking it twice, gonna find out...whose productive or not!" (OK I changed the lyrics a bit!)

My trip to the Coaching Super Summit

It was indeed a SUPER coaching summit!!! Thank you Milana for providing this unique and informational opportunity. I met so many wonderful fellow coaches. Coaches are the warmest, most accepting, non-judgmental people in the world!

We learned so much. I am still digesting and processing all the information and can't wait to implement some of the ideas and watch my business transform! And that comment leads me to one of the most simple and impressive things I learned and want to share.

Information + implementation = TRANSFORMATION

Information - implementation = FRUSTRATION

How many times do we hear life changing information with all the intentions of implementing it into our lives then fail to act? Of course we end up frustrated! Well, I do not intend to have frustration, I intend to have a transformation!

Then and Now

Recently I was pondering the economic downturn and began to wonder how our time now would compare with the Great Depression. I decided to do some research and found some interesting information. Although, I have never been a history buff as I get older I realize we can learn from it.

As we know, the Great Depression was the result of Black Tuesday, October 29, 1929 when the stock market crashed. But what I didn't realize, is that the Dust Bowl also factored into that time. The Dust Bowl was the result of an abnormally severe drought combined with over plowing of the land. Many of the people left the Dust Bowl area and went to California seeking jobs, but California had a terrible frost which killed many of their crops. So, the Great Depression was a combination of both Wall Street and weather.

What I really wanted to know though, was, whether any businesses or industries grew during that time. I found an interesting article about Successful Companies and Industries During the Great Depression. You can read it at http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=178334. At the end of this article there are some more great links about the Great Depression.

Basically, this is what I learned. Some industries like home appliances actually grew during that time. In other industries, companies that weren't highly leveraged were able beat out their competition with increased advertising. Case in point, Chevrolet started out selling Ford because they had more money for advertising. Also, because money was so tight consumers looked for better deals and companies offering better products and better deals came out stronger and with continued customer loyalty.

Then as now, change happens. Changes bring opportunity. Opportunity to grow, learn, discard, re-think, re-organize, and even re-energize.

The question I pose is, "What can we learn from THEN and how can we apply it NOW?" I welcome your comments, insights, and inspirations!

Still Time to Make it Great in 2008

Last week we had our monthly coaching club call. The topic was "Achieving 2008 Goals." As I surveyed those present on the call most had the same goals for 2008 that they had in 2007, 2006, and even 2005. Such goals as clean out closets, loose weight, and go back to school. When asked why they thought they had never accomplished the goals answers were; feeling overwhelmed, too tired after working all day, secret resentments, and just being lazy.

I believe we all have goals we want to achieve. I also believe if you have had the same goals for several years and are not accomplishing them that you are not being honest with yourself. Questions I asked the group were; How important is this goal? How will your life change if you reach your goal? How will achieving this goal make you happier? Is this your goal or someone else's? Are you worthy of the outcome of this goal?

If we want to increase our odds of achieving our goals then we have answer those questions honestly. It is interesting how many excuses I hear of why people do not reach their stated goals. Here's the truth...a goal without a plan and action is merely a wish and not likely to happen. Goals have an action plan. When we make a plan and take action we set the for stage success.

There is still over 3 months left in this year. Dust off your New Year's Resolutions list, make an action plan, and get busy! You can still "Make it Great in 2008!"

If you are having difficulty getting started or staying on track with your goal(s), talk to a coach! We are trained to inspire and motivate you to reach your true desires!

Vote

My daughter recently moved to England. She plans to stay for about 2 years. Before she left we were talking about the upcoming presidential election. As she was sharing her political views she told me who she plans to vote for to be our new president. I said, "But you will be in England, you won't be here to vote." She quickly advised me that she had already taken the necessary steps to be able to vote even though she will not be in the country. I have to say, I was impressed!

Are you planning to vote?

Perhaps you are undecided. Sometimes it is hard to make decisions, particularly if you feel pressure to make the right decision. But realize, not making a decision, is a decision. It just leaves you in a powerless position, which can become a habit in your life.

Perhaps you don't like either of the candidates. If you are only listening to the advertisements, especially the ones that slam the opposing candidate, then it is no wonder you don't like either candidate. Take some time to read up on where they stand on the issues that are important to your life. You will find one appeals to you more than the other.

Perhaps you feel your vote doesn't really count since we have delegates. There is a lot of talk around this subject. I am not so well versed on our process that I can offer a good explanation of this. However, I will say, we live in a nation where we do not have to risk our life in order to vote. It really is an opportunity and a privilege.

History will be made in this election. For the first time ever we will have either an African American President or a woman Vice President. These are exciting times! Be a part of the decision! VOTE!

Going to the Coaching Super Summit!

I am so excited, I have just signed up for the Coaching Super Summit being held in Baltimore in October! I really searched my soul before signing up. There were considerations about how much it would cost and could I afford that, whether I would feel uncomfortable there, how my family would get along with out me for a few days, and whether or not I was really committed to building my business.

So, how did I make my decision? I coached myself, just like I would coach my clients. I listened to the "committee in my head" and one by one addressed each issue that was holding me back.

How much would it cost and could I afford it? I had to make a decision, the price was going up soon, the discount for early registration was about to end. I asked myself, "What is the business American Express card for anyway, isn't it for business building opportunities?" This is a business building opportunity, right? Plus, if all goes well, I will increase my business enough to cover the cost. OK, this issue is resolved. Next...

Will I feel uncomfortable there? What kind of question is this? Already, I am putting a negative spin on the experience. Is it about acceptance? Worthiness? Confidence? Yes, that's what it is, confidence. I continually struggle with a lack of confidence. (People who know me are always surprised when I say this, but it is true.) Long ago I acknowledged confidence as one of my mental blocks and decided to not to let it keep me stuck. But here it is showing up again. Acknowledge it, release it. Next...

How would my family feel? Well, I thought, "I won't know until I ask." So, I sat down and explained to my husband how important I felt going to the summit would be for the growth of my business, discussed the traveling dates, and gained his support. I even boosted my own self support in the process. Another stumbling block removed! Next....

The last mental block in my way was the question of, "Am I really committed to building my business?" At first this question may seem like a no-brainer, of course I want to build my business. Right? Well, not so fast. I, like most people understand that I don't want to fail, but how would success change my life? Am I willing to embrace the changes that success may bring? I am convinced that we (me included) often stay in our comfort zones. As I pondered the question at hand, I realized that I have enjoyed the slower pace of building my coaching practice, but it is time to embrace new challenges and new frontiers!

So why am I sharing this story with you?

First to let you know that we all struggle sometimes in making decisions which will bring change to our lives. Confusion and fear keep us stuck. In my process I had to tune-in to my thoughts and get clear on all the mental blocks, then I had to address them one by one.

Second, I want to share the self-coaching approach with you. Next time you are struggling with a decision, take a few quite moments and really tune-in to your thoughts. Write down all the questions and/or thoughts that are swirling in your head regarding the issue. Examine them one by one and try to come up with a counter point to your own thought. If you are able to do this then you will have the clarity to make a good decision. If you can't do this on your own then talk with someone you trust such as your partner, parent, or friend. Otherwise consider working with a coach. We are trained to help you tune-in and dissect your thoughts and we encourage you to move past fear and follow your dreams!

Good luck with your decisions and following your dreams! I will soon be off to the Summit. I will let you know how it goes!

It's Summer--Time to Play Call Review

Thank you to those of you who joined this month's coaching club call, "It's Summer--Time to Play."

In this call we explored childlike behaviors such as, playful, imaginative, trusting, inquisitive, spontaneous, open, creative, silly, and loving. Callers shared memories of their childhood doing things such as watching ants, crawling through snow caves, swinging, playing with animals, rolling down hills, and eating pancakes at grandparent's house.

As adults, most of us get so stressed with the daily pressures of adult life that we forget the light hearted energy that childlike behaviors can bring. Callers expressed they would like to laugh out loud more, be more inquisitive, and be more spontaneous. They were encouraged to spend time each week doing an activity that would help them activate the light energy of playfulness. Suggestions were go to a water park, watch funny movies, people watch at the flea market, and go to a playground and watch children play.

At the end of the call we were reminded of "All I Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulgrum--
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school. These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

I encourage you to think back to when you were a child and your happiest times. Remember the way you felt. Think of a way today to incorporate some of that energy into your life!